Stuck Points

  A thousand percent stuck. Writing will save me. It has always saved me. It will continue to safely corral my thoughts into something tangible I can begin to make sense of. I am stuck for a reason. Little pieces of my soul cry for the sad child who didn't feel secure. I am stuck…

Spiritless

I don't think anyone is getting how agonizing it is to hit every tree limb on the way down to emotional rock bottom. How intrusive guilt is because I didn't earn the right to feel despair or to pray for never-ending sleep. How piercing and heavy the sadness is trapped in my body. How hold…

Birthday #1 of 12

Dear Eating Disorder, You are no longer welcome at any celebrations. I can't completely give you up yet but you will not be my plus one. You suck the life out of me and this is where I am going to practice leaving you. The thought of this strikes fear throughout my entire body, but…

Shame

You come across my face as a quick and unconvincing smile. You tangle my brain and cause my heart to beat rapidly. You are suspended in my stomach and give rise to nausea. I cannot eat. I lose my voice in your presence. The jagged words leaving my lips try hard to come together to…

-confusion

Sometimes I'm afraid what I see is real. -what I feel is real. -what I tell myself is real. All the lines between here and there are neither here or there. -between imaginary and reality -between existence and mortality Sometimes I am reduced to thousands of puzzles with no finite answers and I find it…

In Recovery

The space where I'm at right now isn't mine. This odd sensation that I am displaced persists in an unsettling way. The air isn't mine to breathe, my body is asking for too much from me. I don't live here: I don't recognize any of these pieces. The space where I'm at right now is…

Human Connection

Isn't it funny how you took the pieces of me I needed the most? How you severed all the invisible ways I needed in order to believe in love and connection. You poured cement over my spirit and walked away like nothing happened. Isn't it funny how I dissolve because I'm so scared when I…