How Lucky Am I

-Courtney Peppernell When I’m questioning my self-worth, I can lean into the relationships that fill in the spaces I can’t give myself. I have this, fully, in my husband. I have pieces of the above in other parts of my inner circle. I have places and spaces and hearts to run or walk or crawl…

Let it all exist

What if I let the panic exist. Welcome it, even. What if I stop fighting it and worrying when it will return and if I will have support in those moments? Deep breath. Keep breathing. It’s just the part of me that is so scared, is 10-12 years old. And 10-year-olds need help. They are…

Somatically Terrified

In my dreams you were holding me — your sweet child. You were loving from the outside looking in. You were protective. I loved you unconditionally. Only as a child can. You were my hero and my idol and I wanted you to be proud of me. In my dreams I would tell you my…

Safety

I am safe. I can feel the weighted blanket on my lap. I can taste the white chocolate mocha creamer in my coffee. I can hear the heater going and coming out the vent to my right. I can see the kitchen lights. I can smell my coffee. I am safe. Even if I continue…

Finding Safety

Five: I need help breathing. I feel scared, I need your hand, I need you to hold me, I need you to not let me go. I can’t stop crying and I’m not ok and I’m not sure we’re ok. Help. I’m searching for a place to rest —a place to let the chaos pass…

Unsafe

I live in a safe town in a relatively safe house where I know at least some of my neighbors are safe people. But I live next to a downtown area and a small pocket of poverty, which sometimes feels unsafe. A single wall and 2-lane road divides my house from the beginning of what…