Dear diary p. 2

I am still sad. I feel quite off-kilter. Though, I quite believe I shouldn’t feel this way. I cannot be both optimistic and sorrowful. I cannot be joyful and sad. Motivated and anxious. (But haven’t you learned you can be all of these at once?) I cannot be so many things at once that are…

Pain Scale: 8

My neck muscles feel like they’re being sliced open. My insides hurt, physically, chemically, emotionally, all of me is hurting. It’s like the crescendo of pain has tackled me to the ground and provided ransom but no one knows how to pay. We’re all just watching the flailing. I’m outside of some parts, trying to…

Birthday Week

It's sad that during BIRTHDAY WEEK a celebration! I feel sad and removed disconnected, exhausted, fearful when I imagined relief, joy, excitement It's unsettling to make this much progress and still wind up here, on my birthday.

You are Here

It’s difficult to find out who you really are is sad. Simply moving your body invites vulnerability out and all the fibers of your being are swimming in piles of grief or guilt. You are sad but what you hoped for was joy. It’s hard to discover your core is built with tears that want…

Holding Her Tightly

Holding on to anxiety and panic and fear takes a lot of energy. But feeling elephantine amounts of sadness renders me immobile. Today my body said no, as much as I wanted it to say yes. The entire afternoon was lost to sleep paralysis on the couch. My inner child just wants to constantly be…

Write Your Emotions

Sad: it feels like my head is dying, and my heart is in pieces, and air is stuck in my throat. Sad: missed connections. Sad: “mom, why are you sad?” “What?” “The corners of your mouth are like this (4-year-old motions with hands to make her lips point down) and I was noticing that and…