A Mother

In high school you deserted me in the passenger seat of the stick shift Ford Ranger. An empty lunch box and unbraided hair. You took the bathroom scale away but just down the hall, to your room. You left me crying and you left me a thousand times emotionally at the dinner table, in the…

Teen Wolf

Let’s recognize the previous post for what it is: the eating disorder’s complete monopolization of my thoughts about myself. Harsh, untrue, malicious, evil words were the only words I spoke to myself over the last 36 hours. That’s what happens when I’m forced to push down monumental emotions of panic and hurt or grief and…

Bottom Feeder

When you are guilty you are nothing. You are pond scum, pack rat trash, and spit out gum stuck on the bottom of a shoe. The sun cannot find you. You are storms and ear-piercing thunder that makes your whole body shake. You are broken shards of glass and blood everywhere. You are the worst…

Fearfully Made

I used to toe the starting line on the track before the 5000 meter race and yawn. It was my body’s way of trying to calm down. I was overrun with fear at the beginning of every college race I ran my freshman and sophomore year until I started to see a sports psychologist. She…

Thirteen to Nineteen

I remember thinking, I will do it all on my own. I don’t need anyone. Always making survival plans. Always protecting little-me. The teenager didn’t want to make those plans constantly. She wanted help. But no one came, in the way she needed. Why is no one coming? I remember wondering. Followed by the regular…

Hey, Teen

Teen me wants you to: 💛 do stuff with me. Go shopping. Make something with me. Cook with me. Eat ice cream with me. Watch Gilmore Girls with me. 💛 give me hand-written notes or cards. 💛 talk about my future, validate and be excited with me over my goals and dreams and hopes. 💛…

Teens

This has been pretty much my process since high school — except the therapist part has only been the last couple years. Graduate school has made it so things are due weekly and I haven’t experienced an academic or professional work load since 2014. I have constant anxiety because even for little, easy things, if…