Muscle Memory

Panic run. Panic purge. I didn’t purge. A skip, B skip, C skip. Backwards skip. Carioca, bounding, toe walk, heel walk. Things my brain remembered. We used to do these drills barefoot in the grass in college. It was my favorite part of practice. It felt like flying and freedom and fun. I was trying…

Coping

Sometimes you come at night while I’m trying to slow down. When I’m trying to forget you, and I cry for protection but no one can hear me. No one can hear me. No. Stop. No. Things I can’t say out loud or loudly enough or without a panic attack. It seems unfair my day…

Anchoring What is Real

I woke up feeling disconnected. I am watching myself in a movie. Nothing feels real or concrete. I'm going to give myself grace for that. Today I'll practice grace, when I judge myself for not working out enough, for eating too little or too much, for noticing cellulite in my swimsuit as I play with…

Trying to Lean In

What I want for myself, just like I want for everyone I love, is to be happy. Not just happy, but the kind of happy that involves the most earth-shattering love. The kind that fills your heart and ignites your soul, simply by being in the presence of amazing people. This darkness doesn’t have what…

Wolf Pack

PC:Javier Cornejo "For the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack." -Rudyard Kipling When I walked down into the woods in 2007, I didn't have a pack. When I walked away from the woods I needed a pack more than I knew. Can I have just…