Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com When you're anxious, dear one, remember that you are on your own path. Your own path of wellness, truth finding, truth telling, truth seeking. Your own path to authenticity. You are not inherently wrong. You are doing the vital and necessary work that no one else around you is. It…
Body Image Trauma Response
I am learning. Sometimes relearning, but growing nevertheless. Sometimes it’s excruciatingly painful. Sometimes it’s lovely and inspiring and amazing. Today, it was both. Painful and lovely. Sad and inspiring. Anxiety-ridden and amazing. Thank you, God. Thank you for giving me a vessel to learn in and to build relationships in and to live life in.…
My Heart and the Holy Spirit
Photo by Hernan Pauccara on Pexels.com A friend sent me this article last night. It was the catalyst for a major shift from the last two weeks. I spent practically all day yesterday believing my relationship with my therapist couldn't possibly go on any longer. I spent it tearful and angry and extremely depressed. I…
11 Days
I sorely miss freely letting little-me have a voice. I miss my faux fur weighted blanket that softens the blow of “flight” when anxiety rises. I miss being handed my bunny when little-me is stuck, or crying, or scared. I miss the I Love You All Ways children’s book that gets pulled out when you…
Feeling Separated
Today I needed a real, genuine, unforced, pull-me-in hug. The only non-strangers I saw today were my mom, who barely said 5 words to me at a distance, and my husband, who just wasn’t aware. The little girl in me is wondering if my mom even loves me—it doesn’t feel like it. And everything with…
Break (-ing)
Photo by Tobias Bju00f8rkli on Pexels.com This morning when my three-year-old creaked open the door at 5:30am, my body felt like cement bricks. I sent him out with a tablet and closed my eyes hoping when my alarm went off in an hour, everything would feel different. My five-year-old climbed in bed with me at…
Crushed
I think it’s ending. Not from a natural place of mutual agreement that goals have been met and both of us feel ready for termination. No, not that at all. Instead it’s because I am not capable of overcoming This. It keeps invading my process because I keep seeing him, as one would since he…
Day Zero
You guys. I can’t do this. I thought I was finally on this path of recovery that included never purging again. 4.5 months down the shower drain. I thought I would be able to say I made it through the entire year of 2021 without sticking my fingers down my throat. But the truth is…
How trauma work affects the body
A case study. Subject is effectively rendered useless at multiple times throughout each week. Exhaustion level is characterized as off the charts high. Subject experiences emotional progress but physical felt sense of exposing past traumas takes longer to recover than the authors have time to research for. Conclusion of study: subject needs her mom and…
When an urge smacks you in the face
4 months (in a couple hours) purge free and I am not sure I will make it beyond the 4-month mark, again. I’ve made it right around 4 months multiple times since choosing recovery and it’s like my coping skills stop working after a certain amount of days. As if at month four I can…
