Filled With Guilt Day. I feel lost. My body feels chaotic. I am a little girl and I need you to love me. But I haven’t made you proud enough and I can’t keep breaking to come to you and maybe nothing was as bad as my feelings try to tell me and maybe you…
June 3, 2021 2:48pm
Yesterday: a good day Today: literal and figurative glass shattered into a thousand pieces I cannot do it I can’t make it safe in the kitchen Or in life And I can’t do anything hard without glass pieces everywhere I need help or sleep or both Why is it beyond my capacity to have a…
May 2020 to May 2021
Check in: Depression 7/10. Last Memorial Day weekend, I wrote this, and did not share it here. I guess, at least, I didn’t write it this year. *** Depression 9/10. You have two children who need you. You have to be alive. I am a terrible person. You have two children who need you. You…
Hives
I am allergic to Palm trees, Cocklebur, California Peppertrees, Mesquite, Mulberry, mice, gluten And People who refuse to grow, BULLSHIT, questionable morality, and extremely obvious hypocrisy.
Glue
I feel like I am going to B R E A K I am not A B L E To hold these pieces.
1995 or 2021?
I am sitting in the desert wash behind my house, secretly crying, head to knees, knees to chest, arms wrapped around my legs. Mom, Mom, Mom?
Misfire
In the nightmare a black hole begins to swallow me but I am too big to be swallowed. The nightmare spits me out and I can’t wake up —I’m already awake trying to find something that is real. Everything makes so much sense until it doesn’t.
Hurting
The permanent pain that permeates my limbs and thrives in my skull: it drives me way way back —I am little and you are holding me because I am sick and then it is gone and I moving around in fog trying to find my way way back to your arms so mine can stop…
(Disgusting)
Your stomach is not getting bigger. (It’s growing bigger every day) You have to keep eating every meal (You are ruining your body) You don’t have to run when you’re this exhausted (You are so lazy) Your weight doesn’t matter (It matters so much) This nourished body lets you live life (At this rate of…
A Mother
In high school you deserted me in the passenger seat of the stick shift Ford Ranger. An empty lunch box and unbraided hair. You took the bathroom scale away but just down the hall, to your room. You left me crying and you left me a thousand times emotionally at the dinner table, in the…
