Losing You

Sometimes I get scared that maybe you are dust and my words are going nowhere except into space and sometimes I imagine you holding me, giving space, for all these thoughts and feelings but I need you to keep loving me in dust or spirit or outer space because my heart can’t take losing you…

Grief p.3

Depression is: driving home in a storm, eyes filled with tears screaming to get out, and no one answers the phone. It is the sinking shift from inviting emotions to be, and instead shutting them down. For survival. It’s being the only one in a room that knows the color of your brain: black. It…

No Time Limits

How long will baby-me need to be held for? How long will little-me need to cry for? How long will teen-me need to yell for? Until she can hold herself, cry whenever and wherever, and stand strong in that anger does not disqualify her from love. A gentle reminder for the parts of me that…

Father’s Day

Filled With Guilt Day. I feel lost. My body feels chaotic. I am a little girl and I need you to love me. But I haven’t made you proud enough and I can’t keep breaking to come to you and maybe nothing was as bad as my feelings try to tell me and maybe you…

June 3, 2021 2:48pm

Yesterday: a good day Today: literal and figurative glass shattered into a thousand pieces I cannot do it I can’t make it safe in the kitchen Or in life And I can’t do anything hard without glass pieces everywhere I need help or sleep or both Why is it beyond my capacity to have a…

May 2020 to May 2021

Check in: Depression 7/10. Last Memorial Day weekend, I wrote this, and did not share it here. I guess, at least, I didn’t write it this year. *** Depression 9/10.  You have two children who need you. You have to be alive.  I am a terrible person.  You have two children who need you. You…