Sixty miles out at sea On a boat alone No life vest Screaming into thin cold air “Help me” Last breath “Please” (This is what it feels like to be in my body right now) *** My muscles are involuntarily twitching. There is no reason for this. I haven’t worked out in 10 (!!!!!!!) days.…
Street Lights
Abrupt massive HALT. Error in my headspace. Took a turn, wrong turn, into oncoming traffic. There was panic but now I’m dead inside.
Little ups and big downs
Did you ever think about What makes you want to die After and despite a lovely day? A lively conversation All the connection you could hope for But as soon as you’re removed from joy As soon as You’re confronted with Yourself You want to die Why?
Anorexia
She's holding me and I feel suffocated, choked, gagged, going to die but warm, comforted, safe, and less chaotic at the same time.
Birthday Week
It's sad that during BIRTHDAY WEEK a celebration! I feel sad and removed disconnected, exhausted, fearful when I imagined relief, joy, excitement It's unsettling to make this much progress and still wind up here, on my birthday.
Done
I skipped dinner even though I picked it up even though it's just a salad and drank wine instead which felt right and the other thing that feels right is darkness velvet black no more light
She/Me/Five
Months ago I met a girl she is intuitive -ly sad -ly grief-stricken She is unabashed -ly feeling -ly loving She is joyful -ly showing up -ly determined Months ago I met a girl Intuitively, unabashedly, joyfully extending her hand out to the rest of herself letting all her parts be and exist fully even…
Panic Spiral Help
Sometimes words pour out sometimes, they get so stuck. Little-me is stuck so stuck with words. An empty stomach calms the panic that comes with stuck and I feel held by anorexia just thinking about a plan to let her in.
Rotting
At my core is heaps of shame and I deserve every rotten thing to come my way. At my core you will find the most putrid smell of acid and ice cream and a thousand pounds of guilt. At my core tornadoes of all the things I can’t handle make me hollow and heavy and…
Separation
Loneliness. Everything exists apart from me. And maybe it’s better that way.
