May 2020 to May 2021

Check in: Depression 7/10. Last Memorial Day weekend, I wrote this, and did not share it here. I guess, at least, I didn’t write it this year. *** Depression 9/10.  You have two children who need you. You have to be alive.  I am a terrible person.  You have two children who need you. You…

Hives

I am allergic to Palm trees, Cocklebur, California Peppertrees, Mesquite, Mulberry, mice, gluten And People who refuse to grow, BULLSHIT, questionable morality, and extremely obvious hypocrisy.

Misfire

In the nightmare a black hole begins to swallow me but I am too big to be swallowed. The nightmare spits me out and I can’t wake up —I’m already awake trying to find something that is real. Everything makes so much sense until it doesn’t.

A Mother

In high school you deserted me in the passenger seat of the stick shift Ford Ranger. An empty lunch box and unbraided hair. You took the bathroom scale away but just down the hall, to your room. You left me crying and you left me a thousand times emotionally at the dinner table, in the…

Mom

What a title Why is it so hard To have a relationship with you? I constantly feel inferior But I feel within me that I’m not That we are just... The same And I just need You to hold me. I wish I could feel Little, and safe, And I wish The teenager in me…

Glasses

A picture Staring into my father’s eyes Confusion erupts Eyes swell Stomach turns I can’t really see you through those glasses The enormity Of polarity Is both simply & Complexly Overwhelming.

Triggered

Sixty miles out at sea On a boat alone No life vest Screaming into thin cold air “Help me” Last breath “Please” (This is what it feels like to be in my body right now) *** My muscles are involuntarily twitching. There is no reason for this. I haven’t worked out in 10 (!!!!!!!) days.…