Dear K, (letter #5)

I didn’t run for two weeks. The agonizing pain of grief stole so much of my sleep, I’ve not had any motivation or energy to do anything other than what has to be done—and I am much more busy than I have been since having kids. I ran today and all I could think was…

Can’t stop crying

Depression is evil. The fact that it gets to sink it’s teeth into fragile, grieving people is not right. But nothing is right anymore. At least, not quite right. I am missing a large part of my world and depression has decided to infect my thoughts because it makes so much sense to kick someone…

Slipping Away

I’ve cried every single day since you left. It feels like this wave is insurmountable. Unridable. Impossible. I went back to bed at 12:30pm. Depression is too much today. And I don’t know what you would say now. Your words are slipping away and I can’t stand the burning panic that washes over me as…

Snack Support

Today I drove to you. I also brought a gift, but I didn't leave it because there wasn't a good place to, yet. I couldn't find you at first, your plaque isn't up but I didn't know your name wouldn't be anywhere. I searched the entire northeast corner of the cemetery, picking up all the…

Life & purpose & crisis

I feel plagued with existential questions. It gets a bit overwhelming to keep jumping down existential rabbit holes and teetering the edge of losing sight of hope and purpose and therefore, crisis. I didn’t think my faith was this fragile, but I also have compassion for myself for having these questions and being in a…

Dear K, (letter #3)

Photo by Jou00e3o Cabral on Pexels.com In 2 days I go to the doctor. The one you always communicated with. I went 4 weeks ago, 4 days after you left earth, and she immediately tried to push another dietitian on me. She didn’t get it. She didn’t know you like I do. She didn’t understand…