Breathless

"You've improved your breathing, but I noticed that you have to take a lot of breaths even when we’re having a relaxed conversation, because you're holding your breath.” I held my breath all week. I could not stop gasping for air and after some reflection I wonder if I breathe like this constantly, but now…

Hand on Heart

Photo by Puwadon Sang-ngern on Pexels.com The cracks in my armor were filled today in the most cherished way. My heart heals every time I breathe in compassion flowing from loving humans. It gives me strength to find my own, for myself, too. When you hold me and your hand is patting my back, just…

Truth in Love

I can do this. My wolfpack is the softest, warmest blanket on the coldest day. This morning, with my dietitian, tears formed while she explained her thoughts and observations about why I slipped. Her observation came separately from my own internal one, which precisely matched hers. It was perfect validation. It was exactly what I…

Hollow Hugs

My chest feels...hollow. It hurts like in December and January, but instead of feeling heavy and debilitating, it feels as though I need someone to give me a hug in order to help heal it. I think that is pretty powerful. Just... letting that sink in and welcoming my little-self to that idea and experience.…

Hurting

The permanent pain that permeates my limbs and thrives in my skull: it drives me way way back —I am little and you are holding me because I am sick and then it is gone and I moving around in fog trying to find my way way back to your arms so mine can stop…

All Over The Place

When you heal Others around you will heal And that is why You keep healing. *** This weekend I felt damaged. I felt like leaks sprang from places I couldn’t even find and I was drowning trying to hold myself together. I felt lonely. I felt distraught. I began to wonder what the point of…

Trauma Response for a Part

It's five who wanted to cry Wednesday night. It's five who couldn't talk, couldn't write, couldn't fathom ever telling a secret she was sure was meant for no one. It's five who cried when she did tell. It's five who is in the hurt box right now, from not receiving a single hug since Wednesday.…