A thunderstorm inside; protected by my exterior. Lightning strikes: beautiful and deadly. Like monsoon season, unpredictable yet a timeframe exists for when one might occur. I think even my support is uncertain, as am I. But now, as I have practiced before, I can lean in. I will choose to feed the good wolf, in…
F E A R
Maybe a year ago, I was sitting on the floor of my dietitian's office, my untouched lunch on the coffee table in front of me. "What are you really afraid of? You're not afraid of food." Her words felt piercing. Who was she to tell me what I am or am not afraid of? My…
Coping
Sometimes you come at night while I’m trying to slow down. When I’m trying to forget you, and I cry for protection but no one can hear me. No one can hear me. No. Stop. No. Things I can’t say out loud or loudly enough or without a panic attack. It seems unfair my day…
Rupture
I imagine my brain In flames Words escaping, word vomit everywhere Pools of red and black Slow burn People trying to save pieces Slow motion fireworks Dilapidated Charred and scarred and unrecognizable Neurons giving up
Survival Mode
Read a day ago: "Your body never lies." Read an hour ago: "Silence is the most deadly threat to an eating disorder." Read a moment ago: "There is nothing wrong with you. Every part of you has an explanation." My body isn't lying, my silence isn't helping, my reasons are valid. I have to engage…
22 years ago
Dear 10-year-old self, It's ok to be scared. There isn't anything wrong with needing caring adult arms wrapped around your tiny body, your face buried in a safe chest, your rapid heart beat falling with warm embrace. And then, it's ok to let tears spill and soak the shirt of the nonjudgmental and loving human…
Thanksgiving
"Let's play a game. Everyone go around the table and say one thing you love about everyone else." I say to my family at the end of dinner some years ago. "What is this? Do you need everyone to tell you how great you are? Is your self-esteem that low?" My dad retorts. "No..." I…
