Kind of High

I have not felt this good in a long time. All of a sudden I have an ounce of confidence. I had to stop myself from signing up for everything and starting a million different things that have been on the back burner for years. I stopped out of fear I won’t feel this way…

Owning Trauma

In an effort to quell the part of me that is royally annoyed with this depression deep dive, I went to the end of the internet and back with Peter Levine and Somatic Experiencing and tigers and I didn’t mean to end up here watching this interview, but I did, and my mind exploded at…

Falling Apart

I feel: Hyper vigilant Dizzy Tearful Extremely anxious Terrifying depression Uncertain Unstable Unlovable LazyTired *** I haven’t: Worked out all week Showered all week Talked in person to another adult human being besides my husband all week *** Is this my life? How can I continue like this?

The Weight of a Weighted Blanket

You wake up at every hour of the night in between the kind of nightmares only your brain could create. You are sweaty and cold and pull the weighted blanket over you. Maybe adding 10 pounds to your body will help you sleep. It does. You don’t want to get up when it’s finally time…

Post I Never Posted

r/MomForAMinute u/FTGW Mom, I decided I didn’t need to take the antidepressant I’ve been prescribed this morning. Because I woke up in the dark, dark, dark and it does not make any sense to me why I feel like this on it so I might as well be off it. Birth control: same. I barely…

Yoga, Today

Getting in touch with my body: A constant feeling of Stomach acid about to come up Shaky hands On the edge Frozen muscles, frozen bones Shame and guilt and shame Cold sweat Strong urge to run And cry And run And cry Explosive pressure in my head and chest Trapped

Restoring All of Me

“God will never stop loving you. I will never stop loving you.” The conditional love I have for myself is fragile. Wavering. Sometimes absent. Mostly absent. What, exactly, did I ever do to not deserve love from and for myself? My mother said if I ever wondered what I was like as a child I…

F+

I accept progress not perfection. I really do. Now. But failing so many times begins to wear on a girl that ultimately finds her own value in outside praise and believes she’s loved when she’s accomplished things perfectly. Effort is not and has not ever been the problem. I must be fundamentally lacking. Inherently defective.…