Sixty miles out at sea On a boat alone No life vest Screaming into thin cold air “Help me” Last breath “Please” (This is what it feels like to be in my body right now) *** My muscles are involuntarily twitching. There is no reason for this. I haven’t worked out in 10 (!!!!!!!) days.…
Street Lights
Abrupt massive HALT. Error in my headspace. Took a turn, wrong turn, into oncoming traffic. There was panic but now I’m dead inside.
Anorexia
She's holding me and I feel suffocated, choked, gagged, going to die but warm, comforted, safe, and less chaotic at the same time.
Wolf Cry
Finally, relief, I thought as I clenched the spinach in my hand I'd pulled out of the shower drain moments earlier, about to destroy the evidence. I proceeded to watch the evidence float away, and watched the toilet refill all the way back up, clear, no remnants for anyone to happen upon. Goodbye, I thought.…
T h i r t y 4
It’s your birthday and you are thinking thinking thinking and driving aimlessly and stopping in the mall parking lot to scroll your phone because h o m e doesn’t seem like the best place to be on your birthday. You are loved, so loved, but the text messages and the social media posts fill up…
Birthday Week
It's sad that during BIRTHDAY WEEK a celebration! I feel sad and removed disconnected, exhausted, fearful when I imagined relief, joy, excitement It's unsettling to make this much progress and still wind up here, on my birthday.
Done
I skipped dinner even though I picked it up even though it's just a salad and drank wine instead which felt right and the other thing that feels right is darkness velvet black no more light
She/Me/Five
Months ago I met a girl she is intuitive -ly sad -ly grief-stricken She is unabashed -ly feeling -ly loving She is joyful -ly showing up -ly determined Months ago I met a girl Intuitively, unabashedly, joyfully extending her hand out to the rest of herself letting all her parts be and exist fully even…
Panic Spiral Help
Sometimes words pour out sometimes, they get so stuck. Little-me is stuck so stuck with words. An empty stomach calms the panic that comes with stuck and I feel held by anorexia just thinking about a plan to let her in.
words
pleasure/pain/confusion loss of words/upsetting/I can't leave five alone brain hurts/feelings explosion/too much h e l p m e lots of fog. so much fog. foggy. i don't know anything. hurting
