Hope-filled

Something interesting is happening. I feel connected. To myself. As well as to others. I used to write here because I felt, from my core, that I was unacceptable and couldn’t possibly share what existed inside of me with anyone who knew me. I thought parts of me were bad, unworthy of being seen or…

Hand on Heart

Photo by Puwadon Sang-ngern on Pexels.com The cracks in my armor were filled today in the most cherished way. My heart heals every time I breathe in compassion flowing from loving humans. It gives me strength to find my own, for myself, too. When you hold me and your hand is patting my back, just…

The sound of your heart

Dear little girl, Gosh you are hurting so so much and I wish someone could hold you all the times you need it. I wish that with all of my heart. The pools your tears create are real and tender and valid and you deserve to hold safety as you dive in, over and over.…

How Lucky Am I

-Courtney Peppernell When I’m questioning my self-worth, I can lean into the relationships that fill in the spaces I can’t give myself. I have this, fully, in my husband. I have pieces of the above in other parts of my inner circle. I have places and spaces and hearts to run or walk or crawl…

True Things

I can both (severely) struggle with my parents past and current behavior and have compassionate understanding and love for them along with a desire for a different future relationship with them at the same time. Sometimes opposing emotions really throw me for a loop. Yesterday my dietitian and I were talking through possibilities for why…

You are Here

It’s difficult to find out who you really are is sad. Simply moving your body invites vulnerability out and all the fibers of your being are swimming in piles of grief or guilt. You are sad but what you hoped for was joy. It’s hard to discover your core is built with tears that want…

That Week that Comes Every Month

This is the week I take a dive. I’m paying attention, this time. I automatically tried to defeat the depression swing with eating disorder armor. But I didn’t really want that. It’s just, even though I’m trying to defend myself instead, the eating disorder armor is super-glued and if you’ve ever found yourself with real…