Mic check

Is it depression that urges me to self-sabotage, push everyone away, and convince myself that no one, not even a higher power, cares? Or is this who I am? Though I'd never let you know, sometimes I feel like I'm 13, testing to see if you're going to stick around. Really stick around. Really care.…

Dear Sweet Girl,

You are so very loved. You will always be loved. The fervor in which you are loved is beyond your capacity; not for lack of intelligence but because it is so great. Know it is true. Dear sweet girl, your pain is real and valid. You will not be admonished for having a voice.  Use…

My Prayers Dissipate

Dear God, Universe, Heavens, Someone In My World, I need to know, right now, I am going to get through this. 5:36am: please let this day be different. 10:45am: I don't have to go to the bathroom, I have to turn the faucet on to remember I am alive. 11:22am: "How are things going with you...?" This is…

Spiritless

I don't think anyone is getting how agonizing it is to hit every tree limb on the way down to emotional rock bottom. How intrusive guilt is because I didn't earn the right to feel despair or to pray for never-ending sleep. How piercing and heavy the sadness is trapped in my body. How hold…

Birthday #1 of 12

Dear Eating Disorder, You are no longer welcome at any celebrations. I can't completely give you up yet but you will not be my plus one. You suck the life out of me and this is where I am going to practice leaving you. The thought of this strikes fear throughout my entire body, but…

-confusion

Sometimes I'm afraid what I see is real. -what I feel is real. -what I tell myself is real. All the lines between here and there are neither here or there. -between imaginary and reality -between existence and mortality Sometimes I am reduced to thousands of puzzles with no finite answers and I find it…

Spirituality

When I get so sad that saying goodbye seems like the best option, I take a deep inventory of my spirituality. I become almost obsessed with death and what does or does not happen when a human being's heart stops beating. I frantically search for a relationship with God and find that it's like jumping…