I’m still trying to understand (what felt like to me) the highly distressing breakdown that occurred last week.
I’m still trying to let go of the shame attached to it.
I’m still trying to seek safety to sort it out, while living life at the same pace.
Anxiety has been so high for so long and the easiest way to get to calm is co-regulation. One of those people is gone forever and the other is living her own life that is also busy.
I have to hold myself.
I want to be ok with that; I want to find peace in helping myself. I’m just not there yet. There are too many little parts that need my mom.