My brain, today, physically feels like it did in 2019 every time I got on or (abruptly) off antidepressant medication. I didn’t feel like this yesterday. I don’t understand why this is happening.

If you know this feeling, it’s kind of scary and kind of uncomfortable. It’s not reassuring, amidst bottom-of-the-earth depression, and it reminds me of wanting to die.

I don’t, want to die, but I do feel like I’m inside a black hole and there isn’t a soul on earth that can help.

6 thoughts on “Realization

  1. I know that feeling—it’s terrible. But you have it without changing your meds? That’s strange. Hang in there, snd reach out to the people who love you. They can’t fix it but they can be present with you so you aren’t alone.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting! I hate that you know that feeling too. Yes, it was strange. I haven’t taken an antidepressant in 1.5 years. I wonder if maybe the shift in mood was a (natural) chemical shift in my brain and it just felt so similar to the way meds do that… I don’t know maybe that’s crazy. But, I am extremely aware and sensitive to my body now, so maybe it is possible that I am that in tune with changes in my body.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This feeling has been visiting me lately as well. Dark feelings in a dark place filled with dark thoughts. If I could scoot me and my black hole next to yours maybe we could feel less alone in that space. 🖤

    Liked by 1 person

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