So many good things are going on right now. This is a different type of stress than I have been used to in the past couple of years, and I have the ability to be inside of it all and feel excited, joyful, optimistic, hopeful, inspired, and motivated.
Stress, good or bad, presents itself in my body the same way, though. I feel extra anxious and my brain is so used to this feeling being life-threatening (real or perceived) that it takes a lot of work and presence to stay grounded. When little things started to gather that were hurtful or anxiety-provoking in a negative way, my brain ran with those negative things and left all of the good behind because that’s what it’s used to.
I am not here for that anymore.
I have enough skills and support in my life to move through painful feelings without letting them overcome me.
I have love and connection that outweighs anything that wants less for me than whole-heartedly living life.
Those whispers last night were just that–tiny whispers. They used to be relentless, overbearing, demanding parts of me threatening to take my life. Now, they are floating thoughts that don’t get to have meaning assigned to them and go as fast as they come.
I went to therapy this morning thinking about those thoughts and believing things about myself that were lies–depression lies, eating disorder lies, anxiety lies.
The truth is that I am loved.
The truth is that I have purpose.
The truth is that I am capable of much, much more than I give myself credit for.
And I am intentionally choosing to let the negative thoughts go as they come, and hold on to the ones that allow me to love, grow, serve, and care for myself and others.