I feel sad right now.

I guess it’s still pretty hard to sit alone with feeling sad.

I wish I was connecting with someone or a group of people who get it, but at almost 11pm at night that’s not really a thing and it’s not really a thing anyway.

And so the eating disorder thoughts start to flood and I wish I was twenty pounds thinner and I make plans to stop eating and workout with every free minute.

And yes, I know in the long run none of that is helpful. I know I’m wrapped in an eating disorder hug because there isn’t a different hug available right now. I know I might feel different in the morning, if I ever sleep.

And I know, every time I’ve ever slipped it has started with these thoughts in this way.

Sadness.

3 thoughts on “Dear diary

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