I feel sad right now.
I guess it’s still pretty hard to sit alone with feeling sad.
I wish I was connecting with someone or a group of people who get it, but at almost 11pm at night that’s not really a thing and it’s not really a thing anyway.
And so the eating disorder thoughts start to flood and I wish I was twenty pounds thinner and I make plans to stop eating and workout with every free minute.
And yes, I know in the long run none of that is helpful. I know I’m wrapped in an eating disorder hug because there isn’t a different hug available right now. I know I might feel different in the morning, if I ever sleep.
And I know, every time I’ve ever slipped it has started with these thoughts in this way.