Filled With Guilt Day.

I feel lost.

My body feels chaotic.

I am a little girl and I need you to love me.

But I haven’t made you proud enough

and I can’t keep breaking

to come to you

and maybe nothing was as bad as my feelings try to tell me

and maybe you deserve a better daughter, like one who doesn’t lie about what she’s doing today out of guilt. Happy Father’s Day. I am not coming.

I don’t know if you deserve me: a shitty daughter.

I’m sorry I can’t stop crying.

You taught me to be tough and instead I keep breaking.

Maybe nothing is as bad as my body tries to tell me.

Maybe I am crazy for hurting; my body and my brain have made everything up.

5 thoughts on “Father’s Day

  1. I know all these terrible feelings are real, and the thoughts are powerful. But you’re not a shitty daughter. Guilt sometimes tells us a lot of lies to try to keep us in line, maintaining the old storylines. It’s okay to notice what Guilt says but then to refuse to believe it.

    Wishing you some peace of mind.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Just want to echo what Q says here and remind you that even though guilt and shame tries to convince us of these things…you are worthy of care, and you are not alone. 💗

    Liked by 2 people

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