Fail: Do yoga every day of May

-I can choose to do yoga when it feels good and I have time.

Fail: Do not lose temper with 3-year-old

-I have kept my cool 95% of the time

Fail: Stop needing (so much) therapy/support before husband starts new job and childcare is too hard

-I am utilizing the time I have now to the maximum because I want to fully recover from an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, and trauma that has tried to take my life.

Fail: Sleep without ativan

-I am not in control of when my body decides not to sleep, and I need sleep to live.

Fail: Stay off social media

-Sometimes I don’t want to stay off of it. Sometimes it serves a meaningful purpose.

Fail: Stop entertaining ED

-I have made significant progress and it is still a process I am working hard on.

Fail: Start entertaining ED

-Well, no.

Fail: Stop caring about what your body looks like

-Society makes this almost impossible and yet I am still working on it. Also, ED is a bitch.

Fail: Stop having panic attacks

-Or, be mindful of using skills when they happen and reach out for care/comfort/love afterwards when possible.

Fail: Stop being consumed with things outside of your control

-Part of my process is learning to get out of black and white thinking and land in the grey areas more. I am learning to let go little bits at a time.

Pass: Suck at life

-I do not suck at life. I am a compassionate, empathic, and loving mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, cousin, aunt, … human.

4 thoughts on “Pass/Fail Part 2

  1. The targets you set for yourself are pretty stringent, plus you are failing yourself if you aren’t perfect. In reality, if you take a class pass/fail in college, for example, you don’t have to get 100 percent of all available points to pass. Usually you just need 60 or 65 or something.

    If you take that as your comparison point, you can’t possibly fail “do yoga every day in May” so early in the month. You still have loads of days left to practice, and you only have to practice 19 days to get 60 percent.

    Keeping your cool with a three-year-old 95 percent of the time is an A. And having been the parent of a three-year-old, I know from experience that it is not an easy A.

    “Stay off social media”–yet you say yourself that sometimes it has a purpose. Maybe you want to modify that goal a little?

    Anyway, I could go on, but my real point is wow, you are so hard on yourself! Here you are, taking care of a small child, grappling with trauma, depression, anxiety and an eating disorder, having panic attacks, having trouble sleeping–these are enormously difficult things! All in the middle of a global pandemic! Of course you feel you need therapy and support! That’s normal and so okay! You don’t suck at life. Rather, you are living through a very hard time in your life, and nothing is easy. That lovely empathy you have, maybe you can spare just a little more of it for yourself? Sending best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You make some really great points. Thank you for taking the time to reply, I smiled in agreement as I read your comment. I love the college reference of only needing 60% to pass. Looking at everything that way makes it easier to land in the grey areas of life and goals and success. I so appreciate your words of encouragement!

      Liked by 1 person

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