Fail: Do yoga every day of May
Fail: Do not lose temper with 3-year-old
Fail: Stop needing (so much) therapy/support before husband starts new job and childcare is too hard
Fail: Sleep without ativan
Fail: Stay off social media
Fail: Stop entertaining ED
Fail: Start entertaining ED
Fail: Stop caring about what your body looks like
Fail: Stop having panic attacks
Fail: Stop being consumed with things outside of your control
Pass: Suck at life
Sometimes it seems like everyone is looking at me from the outside and thinking wow, she’s got it all together. Because I do. I always have. Even when I’ve completely lost my ground, somehow I manage to keep everything running. Meanwhile, the chaos and crumbling of everything inside is rampant and I don’t feel like I’m doing well at all.
Or, adult-me is a well-run, determined, hard-working machine. Little-me is screaming, crying, and demanding to be heard, seen, and loved. Polar opposites vying to take up my present space, all the time. Which, honestly, feels like failing, because it’s so exhausting. Unpeaceful. Confusing or scary or anxiety-inducing, round-the-clock.
It feels like I am failing and I don’t have time to finish the extra credit.