I made it past the 4-month mark. Anorexia hates me but I’m totally (I mean, mostly, most days) fine with filing for divorce from her.

Honestly, I don’t need her anymore.

I don’t need her abuse or her comfort.

Instead, I need to keep letting tears come for little-me. Without Anorexia hanging around, little-me gets to be loved, by me, because I have enough capacity to do that. And I have enough capacity to bring all parts of myself to therapy to get through, walk through, hug through, hold through every raw emotion and every fucked up piece of my story.

This divorce is final— I don’t ever want to feel that desperate place the depths of my eating disorder brought me to. I want to feel life instead, even the saddest, most grief-stricken moments. Because inside of those incredibly hard emotions is love.

I think that’s the whole point—love.

6 thoughts on “Divorce

  1. This made me so happy to read! The ED swerved a purpose, and it’s hard to let go of when it filled some role for so long. But, life is better without, and I’m so glad for you. Keep up the work, and let’s celebrate again next month and the one after that! 🎉

    Liked by 1 person

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