Increased safety, security, love = more to lose if it were gone = my fear of abandonment & anxiety over losing all of this coming out everywhere.

For therapy to work, I have to feel safe. It took us a year to get there. More or less. And now it’s so safe. Safer than I ever even knew could exist.

Leave it to me to turn something so good into my biggest fucking core fear. I feel like I’m constantly radiating anxiety over abandonment. And punishing myself over it. And fearing that I will fuck it up somehow. Or self-sabotage.

And that gets overwhelming sometimes.

I don’t want to be constantly irritated with my process. I can’t just stop it though… these core fears consume me before I even know it’s happening.

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