This is how I will get a peaceful relationship with exercise. This is a part of how I will find peace within myself. This is how I will connect with my body and find moments of presence.

This is how I will feed the good wolf.

I ran 3 miles this morning after taking 15 days off. I ran because I wanted to. It wasn’t planned. My body finally felt rested this morning and I wanted to move. I didn’t look at my watch, I listened to my body instead. I watched the sunrise and tuned into the words “I am a child of God” as Hillsong sang through my earphones.

A few days ago I (re)discovered that headstands feel so good. That progressed to doing them and some other yoga poses today upon completion of my run.

I believe I feel so good, although some soreness, largely in part because I found a missing piece to my recovery. I was in so much pain I couldn’t move my head without cringing. My entire body has been in disarray for 2 weeks. Of course I would need to add something that focused on my body. I found a massage therapist who gets it. She let me cry. She was ready to hold space for anything that came. And she released so much stuck energy. I can move my head with minimal pain (it was completely gone when I left her but then 30 minutes of driving in rush hour and just life have brought some tension back).

I slept the entire night until 5am when the new puppy woke up my kids, and consequently me. But I didn’t care. I feel confident I’m getting somewhere peaceful because of all this work and newfound ways to help my body.

(Psycho)Therapy (especially somatic), nutrition, massage therapy/body work, moving my body only in ways that feel good, God, and connection—my pathway to peace. This is my recovery playbook. This is how I will maintain recovery. This is how I will live life fully.

This is how little-me can be loved and cared for and find a new way to survive.

This is how I will love myself.

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