Sixty miles out at sea
On a boat alone
No life vest
Screaming into thin cold air
(This is what it feels like to be in my body right now)
My muscles are involuntarily twitching. There is no reason for this. I haven’t worked out in 10 (!!!!!!!) days. My back and neck muscles are in a thousand knots. I can’t turn my head to the right. I have a never-ending headache from hell. My stomach is so upset despite eating the same things I always eat. I have unexplained flank and pelvic pain. I feel like I’m falling apart. I spent all day Friday trying to figure out what is wrong with me and the conclusion was that I’ve already passed a kidney stone. But that doesn’t explain 3/4 of my symptoms and current pain and meanwhile I also don’t know why my brain can’t get a fucking grip on the present. I am so easily triggered. And it takes me hours to recover.
I woke with hope and it is now depleted.