Me: definition of insanity. (How is it possible to write the previous post, and then hours later have the following words gnawing to come out?)
I don’t know if it was feeling full after dinner or exhaustion from acting opposite all day and trying to constantly tell myself I’m ok or what. But, now I feel despair. Deep, dark, depressing despair. I feel like I can’t hold on to (even act-opposite motivation, which seems like fake motivation) motivation for long enough to even take a deep breath.
It’s so insane. It’s so ridiculous. It’s beyond frustrating.
It’s lonely. And sad. And gosh—it’s just so sad.
How long can a person stand their own crazy?
This fight is never-ending. My motivation far too fleeting. The black hole that resides in my gut turns me into a greedy and devious and appallingly terrible person, undeserving of everything.