I’m sorry. I’m trying—hard. I really am. When will you stop hating me?
Weird kidney lab results. Breast tissue cyst. Costcondritis—that hurts when I breathe. Whole-body aches. Headache. Sore throat. Congestion. Stomach acid problems. Uterus cramps. Almost everything hurts.
And then, there’s my brain. The eating disorder coming in loud: see, more nutrition only made you fat. Followed by the trauma and anxiety parts: I’m going to lose support this week because I’m sick and this is my fault and I deserved this. Followed by depression: yup. Congratulations, you’re never going to recover. There is no point to anything.
And then, five whispers, I still need help. I feel scared. I feel hurt. I need care and I need to be held because everything hurts too much.