Dear body,

I’m sorry. I’m trying—hard. I really am. When will you stop hating me?

Love,

Me

Weird kidney lab results. Breast tissue cyst. Costcondritis—that hurts when I breathe. Whole-body aches. Headache. Sore throat. Congestion. Stomach acid problems. Uterus cramps. Almost everything hurts.

And then, there’s my brain. The eating disorder coming in loud: see, more nutrition only made you fat. Followed by the trauma and anxiety parts: I’m going to lose support this week because I’m sick and this is my fault and I deserved this. Followed by depression: yup. Congratulations, you’re never going to recover. There is no point to anything.

And then, five whispers, I still need help. I feel scared. I feel hurt. I need care and I need to be held because everything hurts too much.

3 thoughts on “Sick vs Life

  1. Awww, I’m sorry you are sick right now. One of the worst parts of being sick is having to cancel therapy. Five, and all the parts of you deserve love, and help and support. Would your therapist do a phone call or a video session if you feel up to that?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did video. It’s just not the same. 😔 five doesn’t understand and adult me is obviously responsible but the conflicting emotions and specific needs for connection are tough right now. Thanks for commenting ☺️

      Like

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