On my way out of this session, I kept repeating, “why would God let that happen?” Despite the way it might look if I am being judged solely on my words from this blog, I am actually a very optimistic person and am usually the first in a group to recognize something good from shit. So I tried to help myself by finding the good, but in that moment I could not come up with anything and became angry with God. I needed my anger to go somewhere.
God didn’t “let” that incident happen. Humans make mistakes, make their own choices, and are not perfect. But He did give all of us an opportunity.
My wolf pack came out Tuesday and Wednesday. Unexpected validation came to my text and direct messages. I am loved and am so lucky to have protection that literally lunged for me as soon as humanly possible. It felt like God was gently but adamantly nudging my pack, “show her! Show her your force!” And they did show me and I only want to keep trusting all of them. And myself.
Several silver linings became clear to me yesterday; lessons abound from Tuesday for everyone involved. I think knowing that makes it easier to move on quickly from it. I am not willing to give up all of my hard work in therapy. I can and will work hard to regain safety so I can keep showing up for myself.
Maybe God knows my skills and support are strong enough to withstand trials and the lesson in this for me is to trust. Trust God. Trust myself. Trust my wolf pack. 🐾❤️