Oh gosh I’m sorry (oh shit): 2:01pm.

Get up, walk to car [leave therapy], get in car, close the door, head in hands, cry. 2:06pm: drive away. 2:08pm: feel very much not okay. I’m fine.

2:20pm: very narrowly miss getting in a car accident that would have been both cars faults. I don’t remember getting here.

2:21pm: drive into random neighborhood. Drive aimlessly. What is wrong with me? I feel drunk (No alcohol or any drug is in my system). Am I even here? No.

3:00pm: not grounded. Proprioception off. Trip, drop, fumble, run into.

3:24pm: this feels like a trauma response. Why? What happened?

3:33pm: curl into the tightest ball possible, wrapped in a blanket, and cry and wish to feel safety.

6:11pm: make chicken in instant pot. Pull it out and realize I cannot eat it. Struggle to open olive jar. Husband jokes I need him for his muscles, I burst into tears in the middle of the kitchen, into his chest, into his embrace. All over an olive jar: no, over chicken: no, over everything else.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s