I am really struggling tonight.

Today was too much.

Today was overwhelming.

Today was “there is no turning back now, but how can I go on?”

The further away I get from safety, the greater this sinking feeling becomes.

Silent crying.

I left feeling proud. Like I did a lot of work, and sure, it wasn’t easy, but I showed up—really showed up. And then, hours passed. And a couple more hours, and suddenly I am five, and in trouble for talking. For feeling. For crying. And suddenly I feel very out of touch with the ground. Why can’t I find the ground!

I feel trapped in fear (stop talking), so trapped I can’t reach out. I feel unsafe in this body.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s