I feel heavy.

As if I swallowed bricks. I feel dry, but I’m not dehydrated. I feel like I can’t take in anything else without crumbling.

A headache that sticks around for days behind your eyes just enough to make every little thing seem like a big irritating thing, resists the Midol I’ve been downing.

I am filled with concrete mix and sometimes it begins to harden and I am paralyzed and rough and uncertain.

Everything hurts but nothing hurts. It’s not depression.

I don’t know what it is.

But I need you to hold me.

Hold me, really and truly and fully. Hold space for me. Hold on with me. But hold me entirely.

I need to know for sure that being this heavy doesn’t mean I’ll break and it doesn’t mean I’ll break you and it doesn’t mean I’m not ok.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s