Five unread

I can’t stand the red alert and open it immediately at 5:11am.

I don’t read them this morning: New York Times daily brief—delete. Spam—delete. Insurance notifications—delete. Bank account notifications—delete. Daily devotion: What Persecution Proves—delete.

I could care less about anything save for my inner circle’s well being. Especially myself. I usually open all of those and fully read them except for spam, of course. It’s an example of how today will go: get things done to appear together, while ignoring everything on the inside.

I can feel the 5-year-old in me crying/screaming/wishing/pining for love. But I am certain it’s ridiculous to entertain letting that exist: I am an adult. A functioning, responsible adult. I am not 5. I am not allowed to let any part of me be heard except the adult-functioning-part.

And that makes me feel sort of sick.

I wish I had therapy today.

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