I gain healing when I am able to recognize and embrace the inner child parts of me that feel hurt or sad or angry and receive love in return to letting those emotions and child-state be known.

I feel warm, open, willing, enthusiastic, and so hopeful I will keep healing.

I kept eating and reached out for love this weekend instead of letting my eating disorder tell me I’m not worthy of love and restricting or purging. Some times were harder than others but I kept doing it anyway, with less and less judgement each time I received a loving response to my needs.

It’s as if I’ve learned these inner child, judgement, safety, boundary, and love lessons enough times that they’ve finally come to together to let healing happen more frequently.

Not quite yet, but, I can picture my future self regularly dealing with hard emotions and simultaneously giving myself the space to receive love. Instead of my current pattern which is to judge myself so harshly for feeling anything hard and not allowing love or care to exist for me. It’s hard to come back from the depression dive that takes place during this process and I’ve spent a lot of time deep diving.

This morning in therapy I was 5. And 5-year-old me cried first from hurt and then from fear and both times I was cared for in the best way possible: embrace, connection, validation, warm words that told me I’m loved and safe. I feel so much love and so much … healing happening.

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