It’s usually a secret to hold tightly. No one can hurt me for I’ve already hurt myself worse.
A secret that wildly burns from the inside out. It’s devastating to me, and not another soul can know.
The shut down is the Eating Disorder’s Master Plan to silence me, and watch me slowly die. Depression is key, anxiety helps, and trauma seals the deal.
Shutting down means I’m not allowed to let anyone know how I’m really doing. It means laser sharp focus on losing weight and doing anything to achieve that goal. It means no more tears and a constant anger, at myself. It means cutting out everyone, letting go of help, and ignoring signs of illness.
It’s the result of an emotional tornado that wrecked no one but me. I cannot pick up the pieces alone and I am not allowed to burden others with this nonsense.
The Shut Down is death.