You can be two things at once. You can be many things at once.
You can be on-the-edge-of-jumping depressed but find joy and comfort in your children’s laughter and endlessly sweet hugs.
You can be motivated to recover and afraid–even unwilling–to let go of your eating disorder. You can go back and forth between the two and still be moving forward and still be a person who is trying very hard.
You can show up for others and simultaneously struggle.
You can be someone else’s support, and need your own support.
You can pour out ceaseless desperate tears and experience happiness, peace, or courage.
You can be so angry you can’t release your clenched jaw even in your sleep, and be kind.
You can panic, heart rate soaring, but be so sad and so still no one would have a clue.
You can be brave, and want to die all at once.
You can let people love or care for you, and find it impossible to love and care for yourself.
There aren’t any rules for your emotions. They are yours. You just have to let them exist.