What is something that makes you feel good?

In the beginning of recovery I kept reading and hearing that I needed hobbies. But I could never answer the question. My answers involved things that aided my eating disorder: running. Gym. Even walking my dog didn’t escape Anorexia’s hold on everything.

My answer now is knowing my actions, words, gifts, or acts of service might positively impact someone else’s day.

Anyone. A family member, friend, neighbor, random stranger, dog, tree…any living thing really.

It might be an anonymous act of kindness or a signed note of gratitude. I don’t even need to know the end result. One time a neighbor saw my kids and I picking up trash and stopped his car to tell us seeing us do that made his day. Maybe we saved a duck or stray cat from ingesting something poisonous. Or maybe between the three of us knowing we were all doing something good together and bonding was the impact.

When I focus on kindness and asking myself how I might serve someone else each day, I’m bringing back the part of me that wants to truly live. I’m bringing back the genuinely caring 5-year-old girl who held a funeral for a wild bird found while playing in the wash. I’m bringing back my values—which in no way include abusing my body.

I want the next year to be more mindfully lived and less focused on how little space I can take up in the world.

2 thoughts on “2020 Focus

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