I don’t think

anyone is getting

how agonizing it is

to hit every tree limb

on the way down

to emotional rock bottom.

How intrusive guilt is

because I didn’t earn the right

to feel

despair

or to pray

for never-ending sleep.

How piercing and heavy

the sadness is

trapped

in my body.

How

hold me,

hold me,

hold me,

is all I need(ed)

to fall and to feel freely

but

I can’t feel the embrace

I keep hearing is available

from a Father I can’t touch.

How every time I try

it feels like failing

at yet another thing

and I am too fragile

for that.

I don’t think

anyone is getting

how the magnitude of grief

and sadness and hurt

caught beneath my rib cage

has taken my voice

and brought me to the edge.