I don’t think
anyone is getting
how agonizing it is
to hit every tree limb
on the way down
to emotional rock bottom.
How intrusive guilt is
because I didn’t earn the right
to feel
despair
or to pray
for never-ending sleep.
How piercing and heavy
the sadness is
trapped
in my body.
How
hold me,
hold me,
hold me,
is all I need(ed)
to fall and to feel freely
but
I can’t feel the embrace
I keep hearing is available
from a Father I can’t touch.
How every time I try
it feels like failing
at yet another thing
and I am too fragile
for that.
I don’t think
anyone is getting
how the magnitude of grief
and sadness and hurt
caught beneath my rib cage
has taken my voice
and brought me to the edge.