I’m wearing a bright yellow dress today. I received several compliments from strangers, some of who began with a compliment and ended with a “I can’t pull off a yellow dress.”

Me either, but I’m wearing it anyway because if I picked a color to match how I’m feeling or what I think I can “pull off,” I would wear black everyday.

The yellow dress is trying.

But I really just want to retreat to my bed in every second of this day and cry. And cry. And cry. And cry.

Because I feel so intensely hurt.

The worst part is the extent to which I’ve hurt myself and I believe, on some level I don’t even understand, I deserve more pain than I can give myself.

I don’t know why.

Even when I’m yellow, I’m black and blue.

Black and blue needs warmth. Compassion. Empathy. Love. Connection. Hugs.

Healing.

You’re allowed to let healing happen.