“Let’s be real, you won’t eat breakfast. You won’t eat morning snack. …”

I agreed in the moment. It is real that that is my pattern. But something else happened: I got a little bit internally mad that it was being assumed I’d skip meals. As soon as I’m told I won’t or can’t do something, I want to do it. It’s the first thing I thought when I woke up. I’ll show you! I will eat an adequate breakfast. And morning snack. And still eat lunch. …. but then fear took over and I haven’t even gotten out of bed and I know that is too much. It’s not a baby step. Is it me that wants to fight and be mad at the eating disorder? Is it the eating disorder that shuts that anger down and says, she’s right, no need to prove anything, skip both?

I want to break through, I really really do!

But it’s like trying to break through 10 feet of cement with a plastic hammer.

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