I’ve moved 14 times. Sometime during the first week of living in a new place, an overwhelming feeling of being misplaced comes over me. Every single time it stops me in my tracks and I have to really focus on reality. I suddenly don’t know where I am, where I’m going, how I got there. It’s like waking up from a dream so real you’re not sure if the dream actually happened or not. 12 of these moves were after I turned 18, and 12 of these times this feeling was unsettling, disturbing, and anxiety-provoking.

I feel this feeling right now. But I haven’t moved. I’ve lived in this house for 2.5 years. Yet I feel misplaced in the exact same way that has happened 14 times before. I feel like I’m watching my life in a movie and really pulling for the main character to pull through but also worried it will be one of those Indy movies with an unpredictable and unhappy ending.

The movie is in the rising action part- the climax hasn’t happened yet and the main character is about to drive her car into an abandoned building or stop the car, get out in the middle of nowhere, scream until her lungs give up, and cry until her body can’t possibly produce another drop of sodium.

And then what?