I haven’t felt good all week. Physically and emotionally. I was (and am) completely exhausted, my ribs still hurt from an injury weeks ago, and I have this heavy pressure feeling in my head that is a step away from making me go completely insane. I’m depressed or sad or irritated or just completely numb. All week. And despite all of this I ate more and brought back some foods I’d been avoiding and NOW I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. I feel so massive. Like, 12 times my size. I’m bloated and my digestive system is wondering what the hell is happening and I just want to say fuck everything, I’m out. It was better when I had anorexia tunnel vision.
The amount that I cannot stand myself in this body is astronomically high. And I’m supposed to gain more weight. I CAN’T DO IT.