It keeps replaying over and over and over in my head. Respite, impossible. And I realize I am always afraid. I panic and have anxiety that never existed before it. I lose my breath when someone embraces me. I am forever in fight-or-flight mode, and I jump at everything.
I want to recover. RE-cover, cover up.
accept that. Accept it and march forward like life depends on it. Because it does. When hate seeps in, creeps in, clears everything out, and sets up camp, destroy it. Be stronger than what seems allowable. Dig deep, when your heart feels black. Uncover. Tear it open and find it beating an unyielding love. A great, whole, permissible, love. And in return, let everyone love you.
Over and over and over.