What do you like about yourself?

I draw a blank.

I begin another approach: Instead of thinking about what I like, I try to think about what other people have told me they like about me, but nothing I can come up with seems worthy of penning. I don’t agree, or I’m afraid it was said without honesty, or I figure they’ve probably since changed their mind. 

Nothing comes. This is my homework. At least, I’m pretty sure that is my homework. Suddenly (14 days notice) moving overseas is no easy feat, and as if my memory wasn’t already horrible, It’s now swimming with figuring out a new life in a country I haven’t lived in for 4 years. Anyway, I have to write something down. 

I can think of some things that I want to write down but I can’t bring myself to do it because I’m not sure I actually believe them. I’m afraid they’re wrong answers. Write down writing. You like to write. Nevermind. You’re not an actual writer. You can barely get the proper grammar between ‘good’ and ‘well’ correct. There are a billion people better at writing than you are. 

 

So now what? I’m going to fail my first homework assignment. Which of course would be the fear- failure- instead of just thinking that maybe life has been crazy and maybe it’s ok to not be prepared.

At least I actually made the appointment in the first place, right? 7 years late, but I still did it.

One thought on “Homework

  1. Maybe this blog post is the piece you submit. It is raw and transparent and the truth. I know well this feeling. I say I learned to be a chameleon to stay safe as much as I could so that’s what I still do… Find what people need and become it… But it isn’t really me. All the nice things people see are just a mask I wear. I hear you. But maybe just maybe speaking this truth…. Submitting this blog entry is the beginning of finding who you are. You have to start somewhere and it sounds to me like you have. ❤️❤️

    Like

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