When you wake up and your first thought is I’m only eating 1,000 calories today.
When you drive to work and cannot stop calculating exactly what you will eat.
When you are so exhausted from working and then try to go running.
When you realize you are out of shape, again.
When you get so hungry, you eat anything. And then what feels like everything.
When your eyes fill with tears in the middle of the vegetable isle at the grocery store because there isn’t any more spinach.
When you take a video for your husband’s birthday and watch it back and start crying because you are so huge. Your stomach is so disgusting. He is going to be appalled.
When you contemplate running again on your treadmill because of all the day’s mistakes.
When you are writing and the tears won’t stop flowing down your cheeks.
When you try to tell your husband all of this on the phone, but can’t because you don’t want to ruin the 5 minutes you have with him.
When you want to tell anyone else, but can’t because it sounds so vain and you are an exhausting person to be friends with.
When you want to disappear.
…Then you know you’re a mess.