I do not know what is real. Is what I see real? Are the numbers real? Are my thoughts true? I feel like I’m watching a movie and I’m outside myself. Am I pretending to pretend, or am I just pretending?
The anxiety I feel right now over what I just ate for dinner is so high. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten anything. I knew because I couldn’t come up with anything for over an hour of thinking about it. Nothing was right. I feel like I’m going to pass out from the amount of anxiety I have. I need someone to tell me it’s ok. You need someone to tell you it’s ok that you ate dinner? No. It’s not ok. Stop pretending it’s ok, and do something about it.
It’s so pointless. I know it’s so pointless. I know its not even going to really be gone, because I’ve already absorbed some of it. I know this isn’t an ok thing to do. But I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack if I don’t. And I’m trying to write about it to make it go away and it’s not working, it’s making it worse. I actually feel like it’s a life or death situation. That is how worked up I am. How did this happen? Is this just a story or is it real? I can’t feel anything.