Sometimes I’m really great at being positive for other people. I am loyal as fuck. I can listen all day long to everyone else’s stuff, but the second I’m asked how are you doing? I am flabbergasted. Lock-jawed. Silent. Fake. I am not alright. Not at all, not for a second. I am honestly and seriously a total and complete mess. My brain is depleted. My body is confused. I am frustrated. I cannot say any of this out loud. why?

I’m going to bed hungry, and I wanted nothing more than to purge dinner. Something is seriously wrong when I want to purge when I’m not even full. I skipped the freak out stage of being full, and went straight to meltdown mode because I didn’t run today. Because I didn’t follow the plan. The only reason I got through dinner is because I told myself I would get rid of it later. And now I haven’t. I can’t decide if this is a win or a lose. I think it’s a win, but I feel like I’m losing.

2 thoughts on “Situational Loss

  1. I almost blogged these exact same thoughts last night… But passed out with the phone in my hand mid sentence. Hey, how are you??? Lock your jaw, it’s ok. Just write to me. 🙂

    Like

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