I want to cry until it is not possible for my body to produce any more tears. But I cannot cry at all. My eye sockets fill and the salty water sinks back into my dehydrated body.

I feel like the biggest hot mess on the planet right now. I want to tell everyone what’s wrong, and yet I cannot muster enough courage to tell anyone.

I have not figured out how to be alone yet. I am not sure that I will. Everything seems so uncertain and a little bit frightening. No one can understand. Who understands that the grocery store trip I took this week was so scary. Who can understand that I feel like a gigantic monster. In fact, I know it to be true, despite the fact that it’s not true? I am doomed to figure everything out for myself. What if I don’t?

What. If. I. Don’t.