I have the uncanny ability to travel down roads that I know are not safe. I know that one step will likely have a rippling effect with a seemingly non-existent escape exit. I am frequently testing the waters. During those times, I’m searching for something. I’m not sure I ever find it, I don’t–usually. When that happens I have two choices: choose to figure out how to get out mostly unscathed, or retreat back down the rabbit hole and continue to be miserable.

What I want for myself, just like I want for everyone I love, is to be happy. Not just happy, but the kind of happy that involves the most earth-shattering love. The kind that fills your heart and your soul, just by being in the presence of amazing people.

I don’t know why I continue to struggle so often. Maybe it doesn’t matter. What I do know is that it is so dark and scary, and I don’t want to be there. That place does not have what I need to survive. It does not offer any kind of happiness that is what I want for myself.

The person that I truly am is someone who knows what she wants and goes after it. Who is able to find tranquility in nature. Who understands a dogs love. Who can find peace near any body of water, and remain there for the whole day. Who finds strength and power in running. Who exudes confidence–mind, body, and soul.

I am dreaming, discovering, directing and doing, all the time.

I am going to do whatever it takes to be the best version of myself. I think I am going to need a lot of help a long the way, and I don’t have all the details worked out yet, but I am going to get there.

2 thoughts on “The Person I Am

  1. This is such a brave and beautiful post.

    You are not the illness. Not the darkness. You are a human being with passions, hopes and dreams. There is light within you. Connect with it. Nourish it.

    With love,
    Hedda.

    Like

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