I feel emotionally out of control.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

I want to curl up in the fetal position and cry.

I’m physically nauseous.

I think I’m so upset because I haven’t been able to be comfortable enough to be myself in a really long time, and for the past few months I was able to do that with this group of friends. My heart hurts, and the worst is yet to come. I’m trying hard to get over it but all I can figure out to do is wish everyone would have just left on the same day (yesterday) and I could go on with my life focusing on reaching some unattainable weight. Why can’t I just move on like everyone else and be fine.

I’m starting to think the layers to this are so deep it’s an unsolvable puzzle. It’s beyond complicated. I’m not sure why this is unraveling right now (since March) but whatever it started out as 13 years ago, it has become an out of control, monster-size, confusing mess. How can there possibly be 100 different things that are triggering? What is the real problem?

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